Antonym: To Love and Nurture
by Tewi
Summary: What happens when the one person you're supposed to look up to as perfect uses you as a stress ball. When your father abuses you what goes on in your mind? Let's find out shall we? AU.
1. Prologue: The Beginning

Yeah, yeah, I hear you. I can't even keep up with one story so what am I doing starting another with an unfinished one! Well, maybe this will be better. I can't really explain it but I have a hard time doing one thing at once. It might help if I do more than one thing to switch back and forth between two or something…

Warning: Family violence and angst. Yeah, I do a lotta angst but this is kind of different than my usual. No death though… Also, you might consider some of the characters OOC.

Disclaimer: See the word disclaimer? Guess what it means! I don't own the turtles or the word vamoose…although I want to own the first and not really the second but okay.

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The little mutant boy sat in the corner of the cold, dark room, crying softly as to not wake anyone. In a few more minutes he would compose himself and join his three brothers in their small room. He sadly wiped his eyes. Dragging his feet he convinced himself to walk into that room and fall asleep instead of just running away. He probably wouldn't make it anyway; why even try. Besides if he wasn't there who would take the abuse? He was probably the only one who would be able to live this lifestyle.

He had gone though two of his seven years in this stressful life. Even though he hated it he wouldn't wish it on any enemies he might have. Since he was a mutant turtle, a humanoid, and not a human he probably already had many enemies. He would stay though, just for the sake of his brothers.

As he lay in the ratty sleeping bag considered his bed he stared up at the ceiling, in one of his daydreams. He always daydreamed before falling asleep. It helped him get his mind off his pain and troubles. Though the sound of his brother's snores; some quiet, others loud, also helped.

This daydream wasn't much different than the others he usually had. He was daydreaming that his brothers walked in on one of the beatings and helped him out. They all ran away together and had a much happier, carefree life. Sometimes he dreamed that he was older and could deal with this on his own. Then his brothers wouldn't have to find out the horrible truth. They could still think as their father as a perfect godlike figure. He would be able to live without so much pain and he would still have a father. At least maybe he'd still have a father. By the time he was old enough to stand up for himself he'd probably hate Sensei's guts.

Who knew though? This all started cause he wanted his father's approval so much. Maybe when he was older and free from the beatings he'd still want Master Splinter's approval. Who knew? The future was a long ways away and a lot could happen between now and then…

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Short but just the prologue so don't worry. Next chapter will have more information and definitely be longer. But anyway…I don't have a witty way to say review so I'll just shut up now… Good-bye.


	2. Other Sources

Sorry guys! I meant to get this to you sooner but homework caught up with me… Grr homework! Anyways it's finally here for ya so stop griping! (Muhahahaha!).

(Decided to put this in here this chapter…) Disclaimer: D-I-S-C-L-A-I-M-E-R! What does that spell out!? I don't own the T-M-N-T-!

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"Rise and shine my sons. It is time for morning practice." Sensei announced.

My brother's all groaned and voiced their normal complaints. I stayed silent like always and as always we stumbled out of bed and struggled to get ready. Sensei is always saying that we'll get used to getting up early in the morning but none of us believe him yet. We're all just so tired…well, until morning practice wakes us up.

"Come my sons, we must start soon!" Sensei gets impatient…just like always.

Just like always we hurry up and rush towards our rough little dojo. We do some warm-up stretches and run some laps just like we've done for two years now. We go though the kata's we've learned so far and just like always Sensei points out our mistakes so we can become masters of ninjitsu like him.

An hour later, just like always, we finally finish, sweaty and tired but done. Hopefully I did well today. Maybe I'll finally get a day without a beating…wishful thinking but I have to hold onto something.

Sensei butters up some toast for our breakfast. He says that if he keeps finding food like he has been he'll cut back our practice time. He doesn't want us to expend any unnecessary energy when we've got no food in our stomachs.

"I'm hungry Sensei!" My little brother Mikey complains (just like always).

"Shhh, Mikey. Sensei's trying as hard as he can to feed us, we're lucky we're getting as much food as we are." I stick up for Sensei like always. I'm afraid that if I don't my beatings will just get worse.

"Yeah Mikey! 'Sides you gotta bigger piece a toast then me 'nyway!" That's Raph. He's always trying to get attention by complaining.

"No he did not Raph. We all got zactly the same amount of food…almost. Of course Sensei is prone to human error just like all of us are so it can't be zactly zactly! But he tried to give us the same amount!" Just like always when Donnie adds his two cents he sounds smart and we're all inclined to agree with him. Even Mikey who likes to annoy people by disagreeing with them.

Sensei doesn't say anything, just sits there and observes us. I peek up at him hoping to glance his eyes. Maybe I'll find a bit of something good, like pride for me. I thought I did really good in practice and I had gotten my brothers to stick up for him. That had to count for something…didn't it? Of course I only found Sensei's usual detachedness. Just like always he didn't even glance at me or blink at the trust his sons were giving to him.

"Do not fight while I am gone my sons. Leonardo is in charge." Just like always. He does not even look at our replies but walks out to go scavenging.

He used to scavenge at night but he stopped when Mikey started having nightmares. Mikey would get up to cuddle with Sensei but he wouldn't be there. Of course Mikey would panic and come wake us up crying and screaming about our father disappearing into thin air. You can imagine how that would go down…

Just like always, after Master Splinter left, the 'brotherly love' started up. I hate it when Sensei leaves. I don't really have any control over my brothers. They hate the fact that Sensei gives the power to me though. I guess they're convinced that I really do have power over them.

"Well that's a great big surprise! Mr. Perfecto is in charge just like always! Well you know what? I'm tired of this crap!" Raph vented at me.

I gasped. "Raph! Language!"

"I'll say whatever I dang well want to whenever I dang well want to!"

"Yeaaah! Whenever he darn well wants to! So will I! We don't have to do what you say!" There's Mikey jumping in. He's always trying to get it in good with Raph.

"Mikey shut up you chucklehead!"

"Sorry." Just like always he just ends up annoying him.

"You guys, look what I did!" Donnie excitedly jumps in. Just like all the other times he doesn't realize that we've been fighting. He had made a really tall fork tower…well it was tall for what we had.

"Ooooh, cool Donnie. This ones taller than yesterdays!" I try and encourage him. I'm afraid our other brothers won't if they don't try and beat my compliment.

"Well doy Caption Obvious! It's always taller…which I don't know how he does since he always works with the same number of forks…" Raph has started using Caption Obvious a lot, ever since he saw it on some T.V. show. Not our T.V. of course since we don't have one but from some kids when Sensei took us scavenging and stuck us on a fire escape. He turned towards Donnie. "That's really cool Donnie! You're like magic!"

"OO! OO! OO! Show me how Donnie! It looks prettyful!" Mikey's two sense and childish excitement. It's nice to see his childish excitement since…well he is, as we all are, a child.

"Sure Mikey! Sit down and I'll show you." Donnie brightened up.

"Hey show me too Donnie!" Raph said excitedly.

I was glad Donnie, without knowing it, had distracted them, just like always. I left them in the kitchen and went to go secretly practice my ninjitsu. Hopefully they wouldn't get in a fight. They always did and I always got in trouble for it but maybe today would be different.

Trying to focus like Sensei did I finally got to the point where I could semi-ignore my brothers. Of course that might just be because we've all learned to block out each other; I mean we are siblings for goodness sakes. But sure enough five minutes later shouting broke through the silence of my kata. I sighed and hurried to break up the fighting.

"NO RAPH! That isn't how you do it!"

"Yeah! Well you're a liar Donnie! So there!"

"Stop fighting!"

"Shut up baby!"

"Don't yell at him!"

"Don't yell at me!"

I stepped into the kitchen to the usual sight. Donnie and Raph were beak to beak and Mikey was off to the side. He looked close to tears. Just like all the other times he managed to hold it back so far. Hopefully this time it would work. Me trying to stop the fight, at least before Sensei came back, I mean.

"GUYS! ACT A LITTLE MATURE FOR JUST ONCE!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

Immediately they all turned towards me, angry looks on their faces. Just like always.

"Yeah well what do you know?" Raph ranted at me.

"Yeah! You can't tell us what to do!" One of the rare moments Donnie yelled something like that.

"Master Splinter put me in charge!" I defended myself.

"Your point? God you're such a daddy's boy!" Raph once again. He's always the one with the good points.

"Yeah, a daddy's boy!" There's Mikey chiming in. He always repeats everything Raph says. I wish he looked up to me like that.

"Guys, I'm just trying to be responsible here. It wouldn't help for you to try it." I really need to get a new argument; I use this one too much.

"Stop using that stupid argument! It never works ya know!" Sometimes he seems psychic.

"Well one day it will, once it is finally embedded in your mind and you've grown up a bit!" Well I try to make a good argument.

"SHUT UP! We don't have to grow up you know! We are kids, we're only SEVEN YEARS OLD! Stop trying to be the boss of everyone! Stop trying to kiss Sensei's butt and stop acting like you're BETTER THAN US! I'm sick and tired of all your BOSSINESS! And Raph! Just for once SHUT IT! Donnie don't you dare chime in! I can't take this family anymore!!" Mikey stomped his foot on the last little part of his ranting speech.

Everyone was shocked into silence. Raph's mouth was moving a bit like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the word. Donnie looked like he wanted to cry. That was odd, cause he didn't even insult Donnie. Me? I was just glad I didn't have to keep saying just like always. Oh yeah! I was also devastated. And this time it wasn't just because Sensei hated me.

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Okay, not how I planned on ending this…but then again I didn't plan any of it. Seriously I wanted to get this to you guys over the weekend but it just didn't' happen…I'm really sorry! Hope you liked it though! I think I did good! Subliminally, or with the little review button at the bottom, tell me whatcha thought!


	3. An Unusual Break

Whew. Oh my god…my last update was over a year ago!? Geez, I really am a lazy procrastinator… Sorry bout that-if anyone still remembers this story. ;)

Anyway. I got a lot of reviews last chapter (yay feedback!) telling me I needed to kid the kids down. Guess I need to work on my chibi's, huh? So that's what I'm going to try and do this chapter! Kid the words up too…when I can. Of course I'm not an expert on how much 7 year olds know, so…help me out here.

Disclaimer: Seriously? Why do we need to do this? It just hurts my feelings to be reminded of the fact that I don't own them (though now I own a bunch of toys-finally)!

The kitchen suddenly got very awkward. Mikey looked down at the dirty tile floor and turned kinda red. Raph glared meanly at us all and stomped out of the kitchen. Don still sat at the table, poking his cool fork tower. I though, felt dizzy, and it was a little hard to breath. The brown cabinets in the kitchen suddenly got all fuzzy and I couldn't feel the dirt on the floor.

"Sorry," I blurted out and then ran out of the kitchen.

I made it to the bathroom just in time. Later Raph told me it was very cool. He said; "Your barf…it was like, oh man! I didn' know anyone could barf that much!" He went on for a while but then Sensei came back and told him to go play with his other brothers. I was still holding on to the toilet and there were three Master Splinter's. And I didn't 'member there being that many before!

He leaned down close to me and I wanted to run away, scared that he was going to hit me for puking when I was supposed to be watching everybody else but instead he put his hand to my head and said something to me. His voice was very deep and it went very slowly. I think I nodded at him or something but then nothing.

I woke up yesterdays I think, in Sensei's room. But his bed was off to the side and the door was closed. I looked down and noticed I was in my bed. He musta moved my bed inta his room. A yawn wanted to get out and I let it. I rubbed my eyes. Everything was clear again. I smiled…until I 'membered practice and Sensei and watching everyone. I tried to jump outa bed but my blanket grabbed my legs and made me fall. "Oomph!" I kicked my blanket away and stood up…and then fell back down. I guess my legs fell asleep or something! I tried again but used to wall to lean against. The wall felt nice and cool.

I opened Sensei's door and walked out in the small living room. My brother's were all sitting on our torn up and dirty blue couch. I didn't see Master Splinter anywheres.

"Hey guys, where's Master Splinter?"

They all turned and looked at me. I 'membered Mikey yelling at us all and I thought he'd be sad to see me but he jumped-kinda-over the couch and ran at me.

"LEO! I thought you were dead!" He hugged me. … He didn't hate me! I hugged him back and he squeezed me really tight.

That's when I realized that Don and Raph were hugging me too. They were all talking and trying to tell me what happened but I couldn't unnerstand 'cause they were all talking too loud and too together.

"What is going on here, my sons? Oh, I see." Then Sensei whistled real loud. "Children, I do not think Leonardo can understand what you are saying when you all shout at him."

They all said sorry and let me go. Master Splinter smiled at me. He looked happy. I like it when Master Splinter is happy. He kneeled and I hugged him. I didn't get many hugs from Sensei. I liked it. I wish he'd do it more often, like he does with the others.

"It is good to see you up, my son."

"Thanks Sensei."

He broke the hug first but held my hand. "It is good to know you all care about each other. But now I need to speak to Leonardo alone, in my room." My brother's nodded and smiled at me. I didn't smile back. I don't like being alone with Sensei. That's always when he hits me.

Okay, so not the longest, but it's an update, finally. And I would be much obliged if you'd tap that review button and type away.


	4. Not Again

Oopsie

Oopsie. Meant to update earlier. … But at least it's sooner than a year! Thanks for the reviews on the last chappie. Since no concrit was given I'm assuming that the chapter was _okay_. Hope this chapter doesn't disappoint.

Disclaimer: I know you're going to be disappointed, but…no, don't own them.

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Master Splinter shooed my brothers to another room and Splinter pushed me into his, the door closing quietly but it sounded real loud to me. He turned to me and I tried to be a man but tears sprang to my eyes anyway.

"Couldn't look after them, even one day?"

"S-s-sorry, Master. I did every-everyth-thing –"

"Shut up," he hissed at me.

I covered my mouth to try and cover the louder sounds my sobbing was starting to make. Splinter was shaking and his mouth opened up and down. Growling noises started to come from his throat. Boy was he angry. I cried harder and started shaking as well.

"Stop it you baby. If you're going to lead your brothers you need to be _**strong**_!"

"…"

"Well, don't you have anything to say, you ungrateful brat?"

"I'm s-s-s-sor-_hiccup_-ry! I d-d-didn' mean to!"

"You didn't mean to!?"

"N-no…"

"No!" All of a sudden I was crying on the ground and there was a really horrible pain in my right cheek. His foot kicked out and hit me in the shin. I started to wail but he was on top of me, his hands pressing hard into my mouth keeping it shut, the claws digging meanly into my skin. My snot was making it hard to breath and I struggled under Splinter's weight.

"Keep quiet, brat!"

I nodded as much as Splinter would let me and quieted my wails. He slowly took his hand off, making sure his sharp claws scraped me slightly. Even now I could tell he was trying to leave as little marks as possible.

He got up off me and I cried on the ground. He snarled at me and then started walking back and forth, making and unmaking a fist. He turned and glared at me. I choked and tried to stay quiet. He made a roaring noise and stomped out of the room.

I dug my face in the dirty floor. Today was an easy session but it still hurt me. I sobbed into the floor and curled up in a ball. My leg felt like my heart was in it. So did my face. Wetness was already on my face. I saw red drops on my arm and on the ground. More tears came out. I couldn't help it.

Splinter walked past the door. That was the sign. Before Splinter could decide to come back and hurt him some more he pushed himself up and sprinted to the bathroom. Blood was all over my face and some of it was on my arms. I turned the warm water on.

Don told me once that warm water kills more baktearea…or germs, which are bad and could make me get sick, than cold water does. So I always wash with warm water now. I scrubbed my face, but this pain didn't hurt as much as Splinter's did. The cuts were small and the bleeding stopped pretty soon. I dried my face and looked at myself.

My cheek was not the green it usually was. It was a really, really, really, _really_, dark green almost like it was black. There were also scratch marks on my face. It looked like a cat attacked me. But that was okay. Whenever Splinter left really visible marks he always had a reason why. I looked down at my leg and poked it. It didn't hurt as much as my face and wasn't as dark. My brothers probably wouldn't even see it.

I peeked out of the bathroom door. No one was around. I tried to be real quiet and sneak over to the couch. I made it with no one seeing me. I climbed up on the dirty couch. Our T.V. was turned off and I left it like that. I sank into the cushions and curled into a ball. I heard Splinter in his room, probably cleaning up the blood I'd so stupidly left on the ground. He'd probably punish me for that later.

I sniffled a bit but tried to stay quiet. I made sure you couldn't see me from over the edge of the couch. And my brother's weren't out here to see me. Splinter moved around behind me but didn't check over the couch. He probably knew he was there but didn't want to deal with him. Tears sprung back into my eyes.

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Sorry it's short. As usual. I'd really appreciate some feedback, particularly concrit. And a good way to give that is to click the submit review button down below. Please and thank you!


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